Congress is nothing if not lucky.
Because the nation is obsessed with whether presidential sex is sex, a brooch is a gift or relations are relationships, relatively few people have noticed that Congress completely botched the deal of the century.
You don't have to go far to understand why this is important; an evening trip to an East Valley coffeehouse will suffice. I frequent my favorite spot more than I should and find myself surrounded by teenagers sucking down late-night caffeine like water. Harmless enough, and better than some alternatives.
But many of them have another habit on display, this one lethal. I see more teens smoking cigarettes than ever before, groups of them clustered around tables, inhaling poisoned smoke that will kill them.
Nationwide, it's estimated that 3,000 youngsters begin smoking every day. It happens in Queen Creek, Gilbert, Tempe, Mesa. Tobacco companies spend ridiculous amounts of money trying to push nicotine at our kids, the vast majority of whom began smoking before age 19. It doesn't take a genius to figure where the ads are targeted.
Our senators and representatives had a chance to do something about this. For the first time in history, they could have blown away the smoke and actually accomplished something that would help our kids stay tobacco-free. Instead, they just blew it.
For some perspective, let's review the record.
June 1997. Arizona Attorney General Grant Woods, along with 39 other state attorneys general, announced a staggering agreement with the nation's tobacco companies. (Full disclosure note: I worked for the Attorney General's Office at the time.)
The money got the headlines: $368 billion to be paid by the companies, much of it going to the states as reimbursement for the cost of treating sick, indigent smokers. This from an industry that had never paid one cent to anyone in any litigation.
But behind the dollar signs lay the real treasure.
The settlement called for dramatic, sweeping restrictions on tobacco advertising; the complete elimination of cigarette vending machines; hundreds of millions to be spent annually by the companies in "counter" advertising, a la Arizona's "smelly, puking habit" campaign; every smoker in the country could enter a stop-smoking program, paid for by Big Tobacco.
Even after all this, citizens could still sue the companies, though not as a class and not for punitive damages. The list of concessions went on and on, representing a fundamental change in the tobacco industry's practices, particularly as they concerned our children. They would not be forced out of business, but it was no longer business as usual.
Here's the point to remember: the companies agreed to this. No subpoenas, no depositions. No appeals to a higher court dragging on for years. Finally, and with finality, they had lost.
But it had one catch.
Because some of the settlement points required changes in federal law, the agreement had to be approved by Congress, akin to handing matches to a 5-year-old, praying he won't burn the house down. But hopes were high; how could they possibly screw up such an easy deal?
Fast forward one year.
June 1998. Despite the efforts of Arizona Sen. John McCain, the Republican-controlled Senate defeated heavily amended legislation that would have, to some degree, implemented the measures in the settlement. By the time the political vultures were finished, the bill was a carcass.
Aiding and abetting this crime were some in the so-called public health community who rode the victory train while praising the original deal, only to trash it once they figured they might not have anything left to do, no justification for collecting a paycheck.
For all of its chest-thumping and posturing about "protecting our kids," all the grandstanding, all the floor speeches against the evils of tobacco, Congress did absolutely nothing.
Two months have since passed, but recent events have made things even worse.
Only last week, a federal appeals court ruled that the Food and Drug Administration has no authority to regulate nicotine as a drug, eliminating voluminous FDA restrictions on tobacco advertising. Big Tobacco wins.
Also last week, a Florida appeals court handed down a decision that could lead to a $1 million verdict against a tobacco manufacturer being overturned. Big Tobacco wins.
Last month, a judge in Indiana dismissed that state's case against the cigarette manufacturers. Big Tobacco wins.
Big Tobacco's on a roll, and it's not stopping soon. Some attorneys general are working hard on a compromise settlement, but their negotiating strength has been weakened by time, circumstance and a Congress that undid a done deal.
In the past year, while politicians bickered, more than 1 million teenagers throughout the country started smoking; in Chandler, Ahwatukee, Apache Junction. They will continually feed their addictions through hacks and coughs, and will die before their time.
If the Bill and Monica Show ever ends, maybe someone will notice.
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